July 15, 2004
The Fear Of The Great Unknown
Yeah, I'm there BIG TIME, however before I go to the heart of my post I want to just say a few things to SPAMERS!!!
I don't need a penis enlargement, if I'm looking for a boob job I'll invest after much research *NOT ON THE WEB* for a doctor; if I want to watch porn leaving a message on my site will not lead me to your site, if I want loans, advice, horoscope and to obtain a gay relationship.............I don't need your spam on my blog to find it.........so as a request, polite request FOR NOW GO THE HELL AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been MIA from here for months actually and have obtained more mail only via spam than I have ever received when this site was active!!! Sorry had to bitch just my mood..........now to the post!!!!
Well everyone I've gone and done it.........my eldest baby is about to embark on a trip by himself to visit his "biological family". I talked with ex hubby tonight.........he assured me everything would be okay.....however his current wife is in the mix........I'm not so sure!!!
I'm terrified!! On so many different levels..........my baby flying and changing planes in a big airport...........going and coming........he'll be alone during his trip with people he doesn't know other than his grandparents. He is going to meet a large amount of people and I fear he'll feel trapped, scared and overwhelmed.............yet in my heart I know I'm giving him something to better his life as an adult. The ability to meet his biological ties.
In case you are unaware Speedbump adopted my eldest when we married and I made a promise to my ex husband if he allowed this to happen I would never keep my son from his biological ties. However, even ex hubby is suprised, that I have agreed to allow this to happen. I agreed and now I'm stressing!!!!
Ex hubby asked me to trust him ~ I told him for the first time since we started having problems 20 years ago ~ yes people I married young ~ that I was trusting him. For the second time in 20 plus years I heard him cry,okay I'm overstating, I heard him grow silent and light voiced!!! He informed me do you realize that is the first time since the divorce you told me you trusted me!!! He was right!!!
It is time that my eldest learns his history ~ know his biological father ~ and make his OWN judgements. He will be staying with his grandparents whom I trust with BOTH MY kids.......and they treat BOTH my kids as thier own, as well as my husband, as their own child. But this is a huge step for me ~ it is a scary step for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm FREAKING OUT just as the title states of the fear of the unknown.......I have no idea what this trip will do to my son.......I mean I know he isn't going to be verbally, mentally, or physically abused by these people.........these people to include my ex, yes I've stated it in public to include my EX are not bad people. My divorce had nothing to do with with me or my ex being parents but our son is the one who has suffered.
I'm just glad that my ex and I have been able to become friends after the divorce to allow our son to feel nothing but love all around him........
Yet when talking with my ex tonight I told him I didn't want his current wife alone with our son.........he laughed but said he understood due to the only time our son meet her..it was brutal and ugly and our son vividally remembers it.......
I so wish I was going with him. There was a brief offer of hope that he wouldn't be alone and my parents would be in town, however, I found out tonight that is not the case. They'll be in town the day he flys out. *hits head on desk with a thud*...................
OMG am I right am I wrong or am I just being mentaposal????????????????? In my heart I know I'm opeing up doors for Q15 that were never opened for me ~ due to inability of knowledge......... ~ but yet I'm still "mama" ~ I'm afraid!!! However, a foot note, if any of you met my Ex hubby, ever one of you would love him to death just as much as you love Speedbump!!! He is a good man.............I guess I'm just a hard woman to love and stay married too!!! *welcome to my pitty party*
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"IF VOTING COULD REALLY CHANGE THINGS IT WOULD BE ILLEGAL"
I can't and won't tell you not to worry, but I will tell you instead to use the faith you have and know everything will be alright. I'm sure the airlines will keep watch over him until he gets to his Father then his Father will watch over him. It's only right, being the good Mother that you are, for you to worry. I'll bet he's excited.
Posted by: QT` at July 15, 2004 1:55 AMJamie,
If my favourite baseball player wants to go and meet his Dad then its the right decision. Of course its scary to think of a teenager flying alone and finding his way through the airport. My experience of American airline staff tells me that he will have plenty of friendly safe help to guide him to where he has to catch the next flight. You don't need anyone to tell you whether you've done the right thing...in your heart you know you wouldn't have said yes if you didn't think it was right.
Your not going to feel satisfied until Q15 has made the journey and come back to tell you all about it so I guess there's absolutely no point in me saying "stop being a stress head". By the way thats one of my sons favourite sayings for me...so I thought I'd temporarily borrow it.
Love, Sylvie x
p.s. To Q15 enjoy the experience and ring your mum please when your away so she's not stressing out. Love auntie Sylvie x
Posted by: Sylvie at July 15, 2004 3:47 AMNot only will he be all right, one day he will thank you for this. It is scary to let go of our children. To let them embark on their journey and not on our path, but that is what parenting is all about, letting them grow up. So stand there at the airport with pride and not just fear, for you are doing a good thing and all will be fine in the end.
Posted by: LoisLane at July 15, 2004 6:46 AMHey Girl,
Everyone is right he will thank you for the opportunity. And hell it's natural to worry when your child is away from you. I'm sure he will have a great time and get to know another side of his family. = )
Posted by: Whtetigr at July 15, 2004 6:51 PMThis is a big journey, but he'll most certainly be grateful and you must be quite sure of his mental skills and problem solving to have agreed to let him take this journey. Hope he has a good time.
Posted by: Desiree at July 17, 2004 12:53 AMCho man, Jamie... Isn't your son 15? Hell, last century, boys of 15 were supporting themselves and working and stuff like that. He is a big boy now! Plus, I'm sure you brought him up right, and so don't have too much to worry about. He'll be fine!
Posted by: Mad Bull at July 18, 2004 7:35 AMHe'll be fine.... and he'll always know who his real parents are (like you do). I think it's real cool how you're both letting him do this.
Posted by: -=e=- at July 18, 2004 10:00 PMI couldn't have said it better than the seven people who commented before me. Q15 is a levelheaded kid. He'll do fine on this trip and be better for what information he gleans about his biological father.
Q...I second what Auntie Sylvie said. Call your mom to ease her stress, hon.
Posted by: Buffy at July 21, 2004 6:42 PM