April 1, 2003
I'm Still Alive ~
Just been very busy and haven't had much thought provoking information to post about so I went without posting ~ so if anyone out there is still stopping by and reading stop by and crab a :cocktail!!!
Okay, today I took some time out of my day and sat down and watched two shows I use to watch all the time and on both the topics were very thought provoking Dr. Phil and Oprah today. I'm going with Oprah's discussion today basically because "I CAN RELATE".
The topic was about What Your Mother Didn't Tell You About Motherhood. About feelings once becoming a mother you don't feel right about expressing because people will label you a "bad mother". Yet, people go into marriage knowing there are going to be rough spots, that is expected, jobs aren't expected to be enjoyed every day of one's life, so why when a woman becomes a mother they are expected to be happy 24 hours a day 7 days a week?
I love both my children with all my heart, to be honest, I don't know what life before them was like or that I'd want to go back to life without them, however, there are some days that I would just enjoy being able to sleep until I woke up, enjoy a cup of coffee without having to reheat it several times before I get through it well you obviously get the picture.
A great deal of people consider women who are stay at home mom's have the life of luxurey. For a long time I was one of those women when I worked as a single mom. I remember laughing with friends saying, man what I wouldn't give to be a stay at home mom for a change. Well I found out and some of the largest arguements Steve and I have had is over my frustration of being a stay at home mom, the "stigma" that is attached to it and how now I'm treated differently. The butt end of peoples bad taste jokes, inconsiderate feelings towards me as a person/woman and mother etc etc....
The decision to be a stay at home mom was mine ~ I'm a woman that wants to be the first person to see the first smile, hear the first laugh, watch the first step and hear the first word. I'm very lucky I married a man who understood that and although finances have been tight to allow me to do this for our children we have managed.
As much as Steve tries to elevate some of the high stresses that go along with me staying at home, there is a great deal of the time, he fails terribly!! NO One's fault just the high frustrations running ramped ~ like today for example ~ my son is out of school on spring break ~ he and my daughter have done nothing for the past two days but fight non stop and personally it is a toss up on who's hair I want to ripe out first.....I'm leaning more towards the children :lol *people I'm KIDDING*!!!!!!!!!
Dr. D, for the record, this is one of the topics us women discuss while talking, disagree with, argue about and sometimes agree about. Women just don't seem to be able to agree and get along on many topics excpet men bashing :biggrin.
How Oprah covered this topic today was really great, I enjoyed watching it and finding out I'm not the only woman in the world that feels this way, or the guilt of finally deciding to go back into the work force. And the overwhelming amount of guilt, anger, frustration, and with all of those bad feelings still an amount of love and beam with pride when talking of their children. But to sum it all up, mother's do not prepare their daughters for the TRUE expectations of motherhood. It isn't all roses ~ and never forget roses as beautiful as they are they still have thorns!!!
YOU THINK YOU'RE STRESSED OUT NOW ~~ WAIT TILL YOU GO TO HELL
OK Jamie, hear you. Yes, I have heard this discussed before by women and men regarding their partner(s).
First of all, let me say that there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home Mother. It all comes down to what you want for yourself out of life. It is a great achievement to be able to raise children and be a good wife. GOOD MOTHERS ARE NOT EASILY FOUND!!!!! They are gifts from GOD....(and so as not to let the guys down, I believe the same can be said for GOOD FATHERS...especially in the Jamaican setting). Some women choose to stay at home with their children in the earlier years and as they start to get grown up, may decide to go out to work. Some women are about careers and being wives/Mothers...I know many who do this quite well in Medicine....my colleagues.
What is important I feel, is that your spouse recognizes and respects you for what you do, whether it be wife, Mom, career woman...or all three.
I can never be a Mother (anatomically not possible), but, Motherhood..or should I say being a good Mother is a sacrifice. Yes, it means waking up during the night, changing soiled diapers, seeing your children through hard times. It is not always fun, but done out of love for your children. The same can be said for good fathers also.
I will end this epistle by saying, keep on Mothering and hope you are enjoying your job(s) as well. You can only serve to benefit in your older years (when they come.....hinting that you are still young ;-)) from having raised your kids properly. How I miss my Mother, gone too soon, too young. God rest her soul.
Posted by: Dr. D. at April 1, 2003 7:28 PMDr. D, thank you so much for your comment, I think it was one of the sweetiest things a person could say and sharing your views as a child about your mother. I appreciate your thoughts, time and consideration ~ what a great person you are!!!
Posted by: Jamie at April 1, 2003 8:21 PMWell, this is a topic to which I can relate. Bet you thought I wasn't reading - huh... There are just not enough hours in the day. Heaven knows, things haven't gotten much better (meaning Glenn still thinks all he has to do is go to work and keep the recliner warm). I work anywhere from 40 to 60 hours a week (anything over 40 is done from home). I always knew I would continue to work if blessed with a child - and believe me, I thank God for that little boy every day - even while removing jelly beans from his nose. But as my mother told me in those last weeks of pregnancy, "Don't ever forget that you were a woman before you were a mother." She went on to explain that while I would be totally responsible for my child's life, I should continue to live my own - free of guilt - to do the things I choose (work included), to take care of myself, to have fun, to be a wife, to be a sister, to be a daughter, to be a friend...to be me. For this piece of advise, I thank her - more than she will ever know. If asked what I have learned in the past 2 years about being a mother, I would have to say "balance". I'm up every morning at 6am and as I post this it's 10 til midnight - everything in between is a balancing act. I'm always busy during the week but I give Logan 100% undivided attention from 5pm when I pick him up from daycare until I rock him to sleep around 9pm. I figure soon enough there will be ballgames and girlfriends and he won't have time for me anymore. Hugs!
Posted by: Suzy at April 8, 2003 11:00 PM